Under Attack

In addition to garbage, my lawn is also under attack from gophers. These little A holes announce their presence by leaving dirt piles everywhere that look like this:

What is that little white, plastic thing by the gopher hole?

Holy crap, is that a tiny, gopher-sized shovel?

ohmygoshyouguysIamfreakingout! They are using tools! It's only a matter of time before they organize and storm the house with tiny, gopher-sized pitchforks and torches.

This is me right now:

Bu$ted!

Normally I think of people that throw garbage in my yard as lazy turds, but it turns out that some of them are benevolent gift givers. Take, for example, the good sumaritan that left this in my yard -

Some kind and selfless soul left me a newspaper full of local mug shots. This generous person filled a void in my life that I didn't even know existed. How have I lived this long without knowing about the existence of this publication, and this picture specifically?

Look at all the amazing features in here!

Normally this costs a whole dollar, but thanks to my fairy godmother, I got it for free!