Tiki Punch!

 I am genuinely curious what this tastes like. Not enough to actually taste it, but still.

I think Shasta owes an apology to Mãori people for the this.

Play it the Company Way

I came home the other day to this tangly paper mess.  On closer inspection, I realized it was a flyer that someone had tried to affix to the wood utility pole in front of my house with scotch tape.

For those of you who don't speak Japanese, I'll translate. There is an exciting work opportunity for you, just call Jaime to set up an interview on Tuesday or Thursday.   They need 7 people, so I think we just solved the unemployment problem in our country.  You're welcome, America!

The nature of the business is vague and mysterious, but you could probably climb the corporate latter pretty quickly if you know how to use a stapler.

Finally...

Whew... another phone book arrived, which is a good thing since there hasn't been a better method invented for finding pizza delivery or a personal injury lawyer since 1995.

Better Shave Her A Little Closer Before You Kiss Her Goodnight

I looked around my yard for an empty bottle of shaving cream but didn't find it.

If you see someone hanging around West Salt Lake with a severely razor-burned face/legs, we may have solved the mystery of the garbage bandits.  Call the authorities immediately. 

Like it's 1999

I think it's awfully rude that someone threw a party on my front lawn and didn't even invite me.  Is it too much to ask that they at least clean up all their decorations?

Potpourri... not synthetic marijuana... right?

They've finally found a way to sell the needlessly illegal "spice" (you know, the synthetic pot that local news stations have been telling you is destroying young minds). Here's how it's done:

1. Put it in a bag labelled "potpouri" - a subtle, yet important misspelling of potpourri
2. Put a cartoon dinosaur on the package wearing a polo shirt
3. Dinosaur should be holding a bomb
4. Dinosaur steps on ground and mushroom cloud appears. It's happened before. Read about it here.
5. Include a warning label that cautions people to totally not, I repeat not burn this.
6. Remind potential consumers that your potpourri complies with state and federal law.
7. Boom. You're done.

Another one...

Please stop giving me phone books.